On Dining and Being Alone

This isn’t a tear-soaked diary entry. This is a celebration. An awareness piece to break the stigma! The stigma surrounding dining, and being, alone.

Last week, I had the opportunity to travel to Miami for work. My first order of business after measuring strange places between food trucks and farm tables was to maximize my opportunity to dine in a new city. I read about Alter, a New American restaurant featuring a menu developed by Executive Chef Brad Kilgore.  He had a wealth of experience from fine dining restaurants in Chicago from L20, Alinea, and Boka, so I assumed this would be an interesting stop.   

The catch was deciding how to settle into a fine dining experience, alone. Five courses of “Thank you!” and “Wow, that looks amazing!” anecdotes shared between me and a server, followed by silence. Five courses of fighting digging out my phone to find solace in social media or my email. I decided the possibility of discomfort and judgment was worth it. It had been a hell of a month and I wanted to treat myself to a new experience, and quite frankly, I didn’t feel like waiting for an opportunity to have someone stare back at me asking for a bite.

Almost a year ago to the day, I had a similar drive to force myself into a new experience. Feeling impatient with the options at hand, I decided to buy a ticket to Cuba and take a solo adventure. About 12 hours into the trip, I experienced one of my most severe panic attacks. It was a strangely isolating experience. Not knowing the language, staying outside of Havana for the sake of an off the beaten road experience, no Wi-Fi or cell service to be found.  Honestly, it was crushing. I shortened my trip and came back defeated with a sense of embarrassment for not being able to be the independent adventurer I wanted and, quite frankly, had to be.

Over the past year, I have tested myself to champion my own independence and allow it to fuel my own explorations in travel, dining, and day-to-day living.  Countless solo business trips, a few months of living alone again, and three weeks of traveling abroad have encouraged not only a new-found comfort but a real enthusiasm for being unapologetically alone. As a result, five courses then became seven, thanks to the incredible experience I had by opening up to the staff.

You can spend your whole life waiting for a friend, partner, or family member to be interested and available for what you want to do. Now, this isn’t to say most experiences aren’t better shared, but time is of the essence.